Angel

 

I want to explain why I missed visiting nearly every person on Friday and Saturday.  I have two friends who thought I should be called because they were keeping watch over our dear friend who I met way back in undergrad school.  She had been moved to hospice care, something I knew nearly nothing about.

I immediately packed a couple outfits and was ready to leave as soon as I linked at Annie's and explained why I would be unavailable.   However, Annie didn't post at the usual time, so once I got to my destination (remember, I have no cell phone), I called Sally and asked her to link me, since all the information was already on my blog.  I was glad to see when I returned she had, but I forgot to ask Erika or Valerie to link me to AJJ.

When I got there, we hugged and she seemed very surprised and happy to see me.  All day and evening, when she wasn't resting or sleeping, we laughed, we cried, we reminisced.  The hospice aid came in the late afternoon to change her IV bag and wash her hair. 

  Saturday morning when she woke, she had color in her face and almost seemed like her old self.  By noon, it was like a switch had been turned off.  She no longer seemed respondent or responsive and either slept or was in a coma.  I'm not sure which because this is something very foreign to me.  One of her friends who stayed with her most days (her parents were dead and she had never married) called the hospice team.  She was no longer coherent and either mumbled or whimpered like she was in pain.  

  I simply could not take any more.  The hospice nurse (or aid?) was there and so were her two other friends.  I reached down to kiss her on the forehead and she was burning up.  I thanked my friends for calling me and they thanked me for coming.   I asked them to call after I got home with any updates.  To be honest, I expected a message on my answering machine when I got home.  However, when I called after I got home shortly before 6 a.m. Sunday morning (was that actually just yesterday?), her condition hadn't changed, although the hospice nurse was administering more morphine, so she is no longer whimpering and crying out. 

As much as I love Stairway to Heaven by Led Zeppelin, the words just don't quite fit.  However, Tears in Heaven by Eric Clapton seems to fit how I feel about my friend who I am about to lose:

Would you know my name if I saw you in heaven?
Would it be the same if I saw you in heaven?
I must be strong and carry on
‘Cause I know I don't belong
Here in heaven

Would you hold my hand if I saw you in heaven?
Would you help me stand if I saw you in heaven?
I'll find my way through night and day
‘Cause I know I just can't stay
Here in heaven

Time can bring you down, time can bend your knees
Time can break your heart, have you begging please
Begging please

Beyond the door, there's peace, I'm sure
And I know there'll be no more
Tears in heaven